My name is Alex, I’m 22 years old and I am currently working towards my acting career. I have been posting content on social media, more specifically for Miraculous Ladybug, for several years now. Starting with instagram and then TikTok as well.
I remember when I first made my instagram account. It’s 2016, I’m 15 years old and my friend and I had noticed how “popular” every account was because the show was so brand new… We gushed about the idea that we could reach 1,000 followers or more like all of them… Little did I know…Again, I was only 15. I had no experience with the feeling of popularity and suddenly, my account kept growing and growing and more people came to know my name. It was all happy and cheerful until I noticed a lot of negativity was coming my way. And I’m not sure if it was out of spite or envy, but it just kept on coming. I already had low self esteem as is, like any other teenager would. But this was just the beginning of something so terrible and harmful to my well-being. It effected me so greatly because it was very rare I’d experience any bullying. I almost didn’t consider it bullying, I genuinely just thought there was something wrong with me that I wasn’t seeing. I had to see my face cropped onto these disgusting images and read all these messages about myself that made me truly believe that I was the issue, and that I deserved this. It lead me to a very dark and secluded place in my mind that ultimately changed so much in my life, not a good change. I started having panic attacks every night, but I would keep them to myself. But alongside those panic attacks, I couldn’t even sleep. I would twist and turn because my mind kept giving me all these bad ideas as to what they could do to me. And I had to be awake to see it. I convinced myself I wasn’t allowed to sleep because it’s better I see it first, rather wake up to it. It stopped, but then started again with different people. I had some people with their usual mean messages, then I had people find my phone number and spam me with face times only to mock me when I would answer to ask them to stop, and then I also had one girl make my life miserable for a very long time.
It was like I couldn’t catch a break. And I constantly felt suffocated and overwhelmed. I used to tell myself every day that one day it will stop. That I could breathe again. And yes, we’ve reached that day. But the breathing is still laboured. I still have panic attacks when certain memories trigger my mind and I have scars on my body that won’t ever go away. But I just wanted to
be here. And my love for this show and the friends I have gained, kept me there. No matter how hard it got. Recovery is all still a work in progress, but it took a lot of deep breaths and fight in me to overcome what once caused me so much pain. To anyone who is struggling — Whether it be with mental health, bullying or unfortunately both. I know it’s scary. I know it’s overwhelming. And I know you feel out of control. But you deserve light and you deserve love. You can imagine yourself as a flower. One day you get stepped on, despite being so beautiful… but eventually. You’ll grow back. Maybe in a different way, more petals than before. But those petals are your story and your strength. Allow yourself to grow. Take deep breaths and connect with good people who will take care of you. Overall getting to speak up about mental health has been a pleasure for me to do, despite the meaning behind why I do. To give people a voice, one that I went so long without having… is a wonderful feeling. And I will continue to share my storie(s) if it means making someone else feel seen and heard. I will always advise people to share their own story. Everyone’s story matters.
Though the anxiety is high, and the depression lingers… I am just so incredibly thankful for the good people in my life who got me through it all. So thank you.
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Once again I’d love to thank Alex for sharing her story and being such a light in this world!!
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