Five years

 This is never an easy post or easy statement to make. 

Five years, five years since my life changed drastically. Never actually taking the time to sit back and realize the damage it caused. If you didn’t know. March 22nd 2017, I was brutally attacked by my bully. She alongside others, harassed and threatened my family and I for months prior to the attack. In person, and online. I already at this time suffered severe anxiety & depression. Leaving my previous school due to bullying as well. Months before being trapped in a mental hospital for nine days and eight nights. My brother & sister both experiencing traumatic events within the same time line, effecting my family as well. I was 15. With what felt like the world on my shoulders. During this time, and this was a detail I left out for years. I was in an abusive relationship as well. Instead of receiving help I was made fun of and talked down upon for that. I didn’t matter in this world. Then it happened. My bully approached me asking me if she could vent to me about her own mental health issues. To which I agreed, because that’s who I am. Once she dropped the bomb of some pretty heavy stuff in the bathroom stall she lured me into, she asked for a hug. I hesitated, but gave in. Next thing I know she was choking me out, and that was the start of the fight of my life. She stabbed me, bit me, scratched, and threatened my life one final time when I convinced her to stop. She called the police on my phone, and caressed me until I was “saved”. At the hospital I was numb, all I could think about was my friends and not myself. Family visiting me that night, for an unknown reason my little cousin had a seizure in front of us all. Yet after all I went through that day, the only tears I shed were because of pickles on my burger. After this I stood with my abuser for awhile.

Adding more months to the trauma. I was diagnosed with ptsd. I couldn’t eat, sleep, use the bathroom. It also stunted my academics in the last years of high school. For some reason, the people in my highschool took this as a “fight over a boy”. Which caused me to get made fun of for the next years of high school as well. Using my trauma as a story to tell, a story that isn’t theirs. 

Now you’re probably wondering, well you’re twenty…why should this matter now? 

My answer to you is, you think my ptsd disappeared? That everything magically was okay. I was the same girl that could function normally? The answer is no. The truth is. I never processed my trauma, I never faced it head on. Sometimes due to trauma the brain will store it away, make you ignore it. 

My brain did that until I was no longer in that school. Now at twenty, everything’s been pouring out. It’s exhausting, painful, and I’m tired of running away. As an adult, I find myself not being able to do things most people my age can. You know what. That’s okay. Life wasn’t fair to me, it’s still not. However, everyday I take that challenge and try to better myself. I don’t know how long it’ll take me to feel better in regards to my trauma, so I take it day by day. 

I am safe. I am strong. I have a purpose in this life. 

I’ll continue using my voice, my story. To advocate for mental health, and bullying. Nobody can ever take that away from me. 

Interview on LGBTQ+ mental health and how it is handled in our society

 Hello everyone! As you know part of the Tia’s Racket platform is to boost and spread the voices of others. Today I wanted to write about the topic of mental health in the lgbtq+ community. I interviewed some wonderful individuals to get their different point of views on how lgbt mental health is handled in different aspects of life.

How do you think lgbtq mental health is handled in schools? 

I think that depending where you are, lgbtq mental health is handled fairly okay or it's just not handled at all. A lot of more progressive places will offer counseling for everyone, but most counselors who aren't lgbtq won't know how to handle certain issues. It leaves a lot of younger people feeling less comfortable to even seek counseling.

How do you think lgbtq mental health is handled by professionals? 

Mental health professionals can vary in quality, and the issues they specialize in. Lgbtq mental health issues are only handled better by actual lgbtq professionals/proper ally professionals. Other types of professionals can try to handle these issues, but the care won't feel as genuine or understood.

How do you think lgbtq mental health has been handled in your life?

I actually haven't sought out mental health care for most of my life, solely because I didn't know how, and I didn't have health insurance period. I feel like  adequate mental healthcare is largely inaccessible to lgbtq youth due to costs and location. If I had more resources when I was younger, I feel like maybe I would have been a healthier person today.

What changes do you think should be made? 

Changes would need to be drastic in a way that I dont think our current government/legislation has the courage to push through. We're talking stuff like complete universal healthcare access for everyone, regardless of income or background. Centers focused on mental health should be funded more and given more resources to improve lgbtq lives. There needs to be changes in the media showing lgbtq people, and until  more minds begin to change, the progress will be stagnant, if there's any at all.

• Vic (they/him)

How do you think lgbtq mental health is handled in schools? 

I honestly think mental health in school isn’t really handled well even when LGBTQ people aren’t involved, but it is especially worse in our case. I know so many who have been scared to seek help because they’re worried that seeking that help from the school will put them to their parents and compromise their safety. 

How do you think lgbtq mental health is handled by professionals? 

I think it is handled a little bit better, because there is often the option to search for mental health professionals who are LGBTQ friendly. HIPPA agreements definitely help as well. 

How do you think lgbtq mental health has been handled in your life?

Most of my mental health issues have not been related to my LGBTQ identity, so I’m not really sure I can speak on that. 

What changes do you think should be made? 

I really think school staff need more training on working with LGBTQ students and policies to keep queer kids protected and keep their privacy protected need to be enacted ASAP.

• Tabby (she/her) 

How do you think LGBT mental health is handled in schools?

    I think LGBT mental health is handled differently in every school. In a University that I attended my freshman year of college (one which I no longer attend) I noticed that the school did not have a large focus on just LGBT mental health but all mental health in general. This has its pros and cons. Pros being that there is a sense of unity in the fact that all students’ mental health matters and there are resources for everyone, however, the con is that LGBT mental health is different from those who are not part of the LGBT community. There are a lot more things that those who are part of this community deal with on an everyday basis that most people are unaware of. For example, people get misgendered, use the wrong pronouns without caring, and just are uniquely different from those around them. I believe that there should be more effort in understanding the LGBT community in schools as new things arise and things change over time. My University that I attend now shines a very bright light on addressing the resources to talk to someone or groups who can share their stories about what they deal with. There is a Center for Transgender and Queer Advocacy here at my new school that has provided a very long list of events and resources that those part of the LGBT community can use. The people who run this center are a part of the community as well, sharing their experience and always being open to listening to those who attend.

How do you think LGBT mental health has been handled in your life?

    In my life, my mental health has been handled quite well. I have many resources that I know I can reach out to and are reliable. My parents and family have always been very supportive of me and take the time to ask questions and understand certain things that may be new to them or the subjects they have never heard of! I think I have truly found better resources at my new school as well as finding the right group of people who are not only my close friends also part of the LGBT community but they can relate to some of my own stories. Over the years there have been many opportunities for me to see everyone in the world become more familiar and accepting of those parts of this community and truthfully, it is beautiful. I have found much support in those around me whether I know them personally or not. I continue to grow day by day into the person I am meant to be and find my true self.

What changes do you think should be made?

    There are so many changes that could be made but few that will actually happen. All we can do is hope for the best and hope that people put in the effort to want to see change; maybe even take matters into their own hands. A big thing I hope to see a lot of change over the years is understanding pronouns. I use she/they/theirs pronouns while most people are used to hearing she/her/hers or he/him/his. Because I present female to most people, they assume to use she/her/hers pronouns without asking. Although I give them the benefit of the doubt if I know I won’t have an encounter with them again (i.e. grocery store workers, people you run into on the street, or most store employees). Another thing I hope to actually see happening would be the education of the LGBT community in schools. Growing up I never learned about how normal it is for people to like the same gender or have different sexualities. I always was taught that it was only right and normal to like the opposite gender and knew nothing about sexualities. It is also important to learn things about the LGBT community in sex-education classes. I have even met some people who never took a sex-education course in high school which amazes me because it is so important to learn these things and be put into the world knowing the dangers and safety aspects of sex. Like I said earlier, there are so many changes that I believe could happen and we may even find new ones every day, but that is the beauty of the world. As the world changes, we must change with it.

• Carly (she/they)