Hello, I know this is a bit late but.
This is something I’ve struggled to write. March 22 made two years since I was attacked.
If I’m being honest, I don’t like bringing light to this topic. At the same time, I want to spread awareness for all the people that have gone through what I have. The people that aren’t heard.
Two years, huh. I wanted to talk about my recovery. Shockingly physically, I’m really alright. I have pain occasionally that most likely won’t go away, and there’s nothing for me to do about that.
Emotionally, I’ve truly gotten so far.
When it first happened, the slightest noises freaked me out, my family had to sit with me in OUR bathroom, and I barely ate anything...and I can eat.
The worst thing of it all, I lost myself as a person. So although I’m alive, it didn’t feel like I was.
My sophomore year of Highschool, I finally went back into my public school setting.
As enjoyable as being around my friends was everyday, I felt judgment. I received jokes. I almost failed sophomore year because I was not able to keep up like everyone else could.
I was at this weird place of being able to do things, but barely holding on.
I also tried being someone I was not, I was too worried about everyone else to actually take care of myself.
Now let’s fast forward. I’m a junior now.
I have made so many new friends, which is something I felt I wasn’t capable of. I only need someone to come with me to public bathrooms.
I’ve been keeping up with work, have somewhat gotten back to my normal eating habits.
Now, something people tell me a lot is that I am “strong” which for once I finally believe.
Ptsd is rough, it catches me when I least expect it. I’ll feel numb for periods of time, cry myself to sleep. The worst, I’ll push away people that are most important to me.
Everyday, is one step closer to the day this won’t hurt so much.
The day I was almost murdered, will eventually just be a day, because my goal is to live my life with nothing but joy.
I still have a long way to go, but it is not impossible.
Whatever you’re going through, you got this.
Stay strong
And remember to
Cause a Racket!
